


Trade A Kiss For A Floppy Disk?

by 1JettaPug



Category: KISS (US Band), Never Too Young To Die (1986), Strangeland (1998), Twisted Sister (Band)
Genre: 1990s, Body Horror, Body Modification, Chatting & Messaging, Clubbing, Dating, F/M, Hermaphrodites, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Piercings, Sexual Assault, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:02:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1JettaPug/pseuds/1JettaPug
Summary: Who's to say the insane can't fall in love? Who's to say you need to fall in love with just a normal man or woman? Why not both? Why not someone who is a mentally imbalanced man, intending to 'help' people through forced body modifications and ritualistic pain in the name of transcendental enlightenment, albeit for his own sadistic pleasure? Why not a heavy-metal he-she drag super star who tried to poison the water supply of California with a floppy disk?Who's to say they don't just find each other?
Relationships: Captain Howdy/Velvet Von Ragnar
Kudos: 4





	Trade A Kiss For A Floppy Disk?

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation. If you haven't seen the movies, then none of this is gonna make any sense whatsoever. Lol. If you have seen both movies, then this is gonna look like a crack pairing from hell. XD

A deep sigh left him, and he opened his eyes, finding himself in an empty torture chamber. Once more, he found himself in a rather familiar situation after having an eventful night. Now he wondered what to do next.

The adrenaline of the night had all but wore off after his little 'party' with a few college boys. He stared down at the collection of cleaned cock rings in his hand before neatly placing them in a jewelry box with a dozen more rings almost exactly like them. He placed that box into a safety lock box and rested it on the top shelf of a closet.

He took off his pants, then, and placed them in a black plastic bag that he planned to dispose of the next morning. He normally didn't get them so bloody, but things got a little out of his control tonight- which was something that hadn't happened since his first few times.

After taking a shower to wash off the sweat and blood from his personal time with the boys, he flopped into his chair, naked, and turned on his computer.

Friday night, and he was bored yet again. Too early for another 'party'. The chamber was to maximum capacity, as well, so he couldn't even entertain the thought of more long-term guests. A shame, really. He felt like tattooing an entire back piece tonight. Later, he reasoned. A beautiful vulture on a girl's back, trailing down to her ass, would look so stunning. Over twenty constant hours of joy, to be sure.

Now, though, he wasn’t hunting for his next 'personal project.' He was too distracted by a new advertisement that popped up on his screen before he could even click on his normal chat rooms. The ad was for a new dating site that had a very intriguing concept behind it.

He glanced his modified form over for a brief moment before looking back to the ad. He hadn’t thought much about dating. His 'parties' and trips to Xibalba had kept him busy lately. However, curiosity knocked, knocked, knocked at his mind until he clicked on the ad. Why not? He could talk like an adult for a change of pace and not like a teenager, and perhaps he could find someone like himself- an eventual partner to join him with his projects.

He signed up and hit the button for the site to access his most recent searches. The site instantly found one match with someone who shared a few of his browser searches. 

The top two matches were “ritualistic pain” and “how many stabs does it take to kill a person.” Intrigued that this person had the same searches as him, he clicked on their username and started up a conversation.

CaptHowdy69: Hello.

It didn’t take long before he received a reply.

Hermaphroditus: Hey there.

CaptHowdy69: May I ask you a question?

Hermaphroditus: It depends on the nature of your game, I suppose.

No games right away, he thought, typing away. This site was different from his normal chat groups, and it didn't reveal much in the ways of their hobbies or current location.

CaptHowdy69: I understand how a conversation on a shady site like this can go. I promise you, my question isn’t anything too overwhelming.

Hermaphroditus: Not gonna bother asking about my username?

CaptHowdy69: Why? You going to ask about mine?

Hermaphroditus: Not particularly. Sorry. Since you explained yourself so politely, you may ask.

CaptHowdy69: I just signed up for this site, and it instantly matched me with you.

Hermaphroditus: Don't say it's fate. I've heard that a dozen times for a while now, and I'm tired of it.

The Captain smiled at his screen when he read the reply. They were on this site for a while, huh? Desperate for love, surely. Or... Just wanting to talk with someone who couldn't judge right away. Understandable. He then wrote back.

CaptHowdy69: No, not fate. Fate is for suckers or the few lucky. If you want real results, I believe you should work for them, earn them.

Hermaphroditus: Oh, agreed. I'm just sick of this site sticking me with losers.

CaptHowdy69: Losers, you say?

Hermaphroditus: Yeah. A lot of guys on here are sending me pics- all because of one search I did three months ago.

CaptHowdy69: Do you mind if I ask what search that was?

Hermaphroditus: “How to get away with killing your ex.” Apparently, a lot of guys are looking into doing that. Some people just don't take break ups well.

CaptHowdy69: Well, I'm not. I'm single.

Hermaphroditus: That’s good to know! So, can I ask you a question now?

CaptHowdy69: Go right ahead.

Hermaphroditus: If you had either, which one would you have?

CaptHowdy69: Are you trying to find out my sexuality?

Hermaphroditus: You don’t have your profile fully completed, so there’s no other way I can find out unless I ask.

CaptHowdy69: Oh, I see…

CaptHowdy69: I would have either. I guess if I were to be serious about dating them irl, though, I would need to know how they feel about tattoos, piercings, and other forms of body modification.

CaptHowdy69: What about you?

Hermaphroditus: I prefer either side of the coin. Dating women has been harder than men, I have to admit. They're not used to such a bulky partner.

CaptHowdy69: And the men?

Hermaphroditus: The men aren't used to such a tall partner.

Interesting. Tall and bulky could make for a unique combination. So much skin to cover, not only through touch and sight but with art and scarring. The Captain rubbed his cheek before throwing it back to the keyboard.

Hermaphroditus: So, which one of my searches matched me with you?

CaptHowdy69: I don’t know.

He lied. He didn’t want this person to know that they were matched best by their interests in ritualistic pain and murder. Not yet, at least. There was a better time for a conversation like that, and they were still new to one another.

CaptHowdy69: I’m brand new to this site. I’m still figuring things out.

Hermaphroditus: Understandable.

Hermaphroditus: This site is pretty simple to operate. You’ll be a genius at it in no time.

CaptHowdy69: I don't doubt it. I've spent years learning about all the new upcoming tech, and I know my way around a chat room or two.

Hermaphroditus: I bet. I still ask people how routers and signals work. You wouldn't believe the amount of times it turns off while I'm at work. People knock it over or spill a drink on it, and I just want to scream.

CaptHowdy69: Aw, don't scream. Just give them a good lashing.

Hermaphroditus: Oh, I do, believe me. They only live to do it once.

CaptHowdy69: Feisty.

Hermaphroditus: This is the longest conversation I’ve had on this site.

Hermaphroditus: You’ve kept my attention, so I'll give you credit for not being an idiot who just shares dick pics. Shame I don't know what matched us, though.

CaptHowdy69: I can learn anything I need to know about you just by talking to you.

Hermaphroditus: Okay, that was actually a pretty smooth line.

CaptHowdy69: Did it make you blush?

Hermaphroditus: It made me giggle like a schoolgirl.

CaptHowdy69: So you are a girl?

The Captain leaned back in his chair when there was not a direct reply. He raised his arms and yawned, letting them type. After five minutes of waiting for an answer, though, he figured he messed up somehow.

CaptHowdy69: You don't need to answer.

Hermaphroditus: No. No, it's fine. I just don't...

Three dots trailing off. The Captain squinted at the screen. They were unsure. He had seen it in plenty of high schoolers before.

CaptHowdy69: I'm a guy. I don't really care if you identify as anything right now.

Hermaphroditus: I just can't.

The Captain hummed. He was enjoying this a lot more than he thought he would.

CaptHowdy69: So, the username means more?

Hermaphroditus: It was the only thing I could think of when I made my account.

CaptHowdy69: I think it’s quite unique.

Hermaphroditus: Thank you. That’s nice of you to say.

Hermaphroditus: I like yours as well.

Hermaphroditus: But I have to ask if you killed the first 68 account users after finding yourself at 69.

CaptHowdy69: I should do that now. Lol.

CaptHowdy69: Oh, but imagine the mess. I'd have to tie my hair back and everything to get the blood out of the carpet and floors.

Hermaphroditus: I like a man who cleans up after himself.

Hermaphroditus: I tend to be a bit messy, myself.

CaptHowdy69: No one around to wait on you?

Hermaphroditus: Like I would let any fool around my home. I have art and furniture I don't want ruined.

CaptHowdy69: I know how you feel. You invite them in, and they get fluids all over your nice racks and original wood flooring.

Hermaphroditus: Ugh. I'd rather party at a club to avoid that mess.

CaptHowdy69: What about a private invite?

Hermaphroditus: Only if there's dinner and dessert involved.

CaptHowdy69: I can honestly say that I’m liking you more and more with the passing of time.

Hermaphroditus: Oh, really?

Hermaphroditus: I’m feeling the same about you.

CaptHowdy69: I’m wondering how much I’d like you if we met.

Hermaphroditus: Are you asking to meet me?

Howdy paused for an instant. Is that really what he was asking...? Yes. Yes. That is exactly what he was asking. He honestly didn’t think anything real would happen on this site tonight. He thought he would have a few random conversations with a few people, probably masturbate a bit, then go to bed. However, this person seemed like someone he would really want to get to know.

CaptHowdy69: If you don’t have any plans later this week, it would be a pleasure to meet you.

Howdy flicked his monitor when he didn't instantly receive a reply. Maybe this wasn't like the other sites he had been on before. It was easier to ask teenagers to come over for a party, also. This was an adult, and he wasn't even offering much besides conversation to them.

CaptHowdy69: Are you still there?

Hermaphroditus: Yes. Yes, I’m still here. You just took me by surprise, and I had to think about it.

CaptHowdy69: Well, what do you think?

Hermaphroditus: Yes, I think it would be interesting to meet you.

Howdy smiled.

CaptHowdy69: Good!

CaptHowdy69: Wait… Do you live in Colorado, by chance?

He typed his words very frantically, suddenly realizing that he should have asked that question before offering to meet.

Hermaphroditus: Hmmm.

Hermaphroditus: California, my dear. But I can fly out for a bit of fun.

CaptHowdy69: Then fly out to Helverton, Colorado. I can meet you at a café so you won't think I want to murder you.

Hermaphroditus: Can we do a place a little bit less... open? I scare the straights a lot, if you know what I mean.

CaptHowdy69: Oh, I know what you mean, believe me.

Hermaphroditus: Do you have a time and place to meet later this week?

CaptHowdy69: I was thinking about a club I fancy; Xibalba. I'll bring dinner if you bring an open mind.

Hermaphroditus: I’ve heard about a club by that name before. Never been to it. Should be fun.

CaptHowdy69: So you’re familiar with it?

Hermaphroditus: Yes!

CaptHowdy69: Great! How does next Friday night at 9pm sound to you?

Hermaphroditus: Wonderful. Plenty of time to sort things here.

CaptHowdy69: You’ve given me something to look forward to.

Hermaphroditus: That’s incredibly nice of you to say.

CaptHowdy69: It’s only the truth.

Hermaphroditus: ;)

They messaged each other a little longer- mostly talking about books and learning that they were both interested in comics. 

Howdy could go on and on for ages about original texts of the art of tattoos, but his eyes were growing heavy as the night went on. He decided to end the conversation before he ended up asking all the questions he wanted to ask them in person.

CaptHowdy69: I really hate to cut this short, but I’ve had kind of a long day, and I have to get up in the morning to take out the trash.

Hermaphroditus: I understand completely, my dear.

CaptHowdy69: Thank you for spending this time with me.

Hermaphroditus: You’re welcome. I never thought I’d actually find someone relatable on this site.

CaptHowdy69: You’ve surprised me, as well. I can’t wait to see how much more relatable we are.

Hermaphroditus: Well… (now you have me smiling and blushing as I type this.) Goodnight, Captain.

CaptHowdy69: (Now I’m anticipating even more to see that smile in person.) G'night, sugar.

Howdy closed out of the site, then began to meander to bed. That was a surprisingly pleasing way to end his night- especially after having to tediously scrub a bunch of his cock rings clean. Though he didn’t know what his new chat room partner looked like, Howdy thought about the way they described themselves, tall and bulky. A lovely tall effeminate figure with broad shoulders, maybe? He couldn't wait. It was already a beautiful and satisfying thing they had started. It was an unbelievable feeling to get to know someone like himself.

X

Velvet twirled herself from side to side in her chair as she stared at the computer, heart hammering in her chest. “Did he seriously just call me 'sugar?'” he asked himself, unexpectedly flattered by what seemed to be a name of endearment.

The smile that had stretched across her face hadn't vanished yet. “I have to find something to wear... God, I have to push next Friday's raid back.”

It would push back her plans some, but it was worth it. It had been ages since she clicked with someone, and she was getting tired of waiting for the perfect person to fall in her lap. No, he wouldn't take it. He would not take it anymore. This was going to be worth the risk.

She had next to no faith in this site in finding her a decent match and now it seemed that it may have found him the perfect one. He would absolutely recommend it to all his single minions now!


End file.
